Week 08: Beware of Pride

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In the April 1989 General Conference for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, President Ezra Taft Benson delivered one of the most famous talks of all time. His address: Beware of Pride has echoed through congregations of the church around the world and is just as applicable now, nearly 30 years later, as when it was first given; and, will undoubtedly prove timeless.

Pride, a universal sin, poisons and weakens every relationship it touches. However, with Satan intent on destroying marriages and family bonds, pride must be vigilantly guarded against in, and through, and around, everything relating to home life. It is worth delving deep into President Benson’s talk to get a clearer understanding of how stealth-like pride can creep into one’s marriage. Let’s begin by highlighting key points and discussing their application to marriage.

Pride is a very misunderstood sin, and many are sinning in ignorance…. Most of us think of pride as self-centeredness, conceit, boastfulness, arrogance, or haughtiness. All of these are elements of the sin, but the heart, or core, is still missing…. The central feature of pride is enmity—enmity toward God and enmity toward our fellowmen. Enmity means “hatred toward, hostility to, or a state of opposition.” It is the power by which Satan wishes to reign over us.

Within the context of marriage, couples too may be sinning in ignorance. After the famous “honeymoon stage” is over, couples quickly learn that they married a person with flaws that may irritate, or hold fast to preferences they’d wish to change. This perceived state of mild incompatibility may grate on their patience until they find themselves, if not feeling hatred, perhaps a little hostile or in opposition toward their spouse. When a couple arrives at these sticky moments, Satan rubs his hands in delight, getting ready to strike when the opportunity is right.

Pride is essentially competitive in nature. We pit our will against God’s. When we direct our pride toward God, it is in the spirit of “my will and not thine be done.” Our will in competition to God’s will allows desires, appetites, and passions to go unbridled.

In many marriages, the spouses, whether intentional or not, may become competitive against each other. The above message can easily read: We pit our will against [our spouse’s] … in the spirit of “my will and not thine be done.” With such an attitude, the stubborn spouse may be tempted to allow their “desires, appetites, and passions to go unbridled.” Sadly, this may manifest in destructive symptoms such as pornography or substance abuse.

Our enmity toward God takes on many labels, such as rebellion, hard-heartedness, stiff-neckedness, unrepentant, puffed up, easily offended, and sign seekers. The proud wish God would agree with them. They aren’t interested in changing their opinions to agree with God’s.

As I read “rebellion, hard-heartedness, stiff-neckedness, unrepentant, puffed up, easily offended, and sign seekers,” I immediately saw in my mind’s eye a couple engaging in repeated intense arguments. Such high-conflict environments are not only unhealthy for the couple, but damaging to their children as well. Often, arguments escalate simply because one or both parties want to force their mates to agree with them. They do so by verbally hammering compliance out of them. If only they would understand that cooperation, not coercion, is the key.

The proud stand more in fear of men’s judgment than of God’s judgment. (See D&C 3:6–7; D&C 30:1–2; D&C 60:2.) “What will men think of me?” weighs heavier than “What will God think of me?” …. Our motives for the things we do are where the sin is manifest.

Here is a point where pride takes an undercurrent approach. Likening this to marriage, it could easily read, “What will [others] think of me?” weighs heavier than “What will [my spouse] think of me?”

For example, a husband takes his wife out for an expensive meal at a fancy restaurant for Valentine’s day, not necessarily because he thinks his wife will like it, in fact, she doesn’t normally care for such extravagance. Rather, he does this so he can brag about what he did for his wife at work the next day. As we can see, his motive is where the sin is manifest.

Pride is a damning sin in the true sense of that word. It limits or stops progression. (See Alma 12:10–11.) The proud are not easily taught. (See 1 Ne. 15:3, 7–11.) They won’t change their minds to accept truths, because to do so implies they have been wrong.

I believe every marriage begins with the idea that together the couple will be happier, advance farther, and grow to higher heights than they would alone. I also believe most, if not all, marriages can work with the Lord to make these goals happen. Sadly, when pride takes hold, as it says in the quote above, they are not easily taught, and won’t change their minds to avoid the image that they were wrong. It is not hard to see how such pride turns spouses away from each other; and, how being teachable and admitting one’s mistakes is endearing.

As it is with all the ills of the world, the remedy is always found in the gospel of Jesus Christ. President Benson leaves us with these words of hope:

Think of the repentance that could take place with lives changed, marriages preserved, and homes strengthened, if pride did not keep us from confessing our sins and forsaking them. (See D&C 58:43.) The antidote for pride is humility—meekness, submissiveness. (See Alma 7:23.) It is the broken heart and contrite spirit. (See 3 Ne. 9:20; 3 Ne. 12:19; D&C 20:37; D&C 59:8; Ps. 34:18; Isa. 57:15; Isa. 66:2.)

Questions for you to ponder this week:

1. When annoyances and arguments arise in your marriage, what ways do you let a prideful spirit govern your words and actions?

2. What would be your personal benefits of dealing with annoyances and arguments instead with humility, meekness, submissiveness, a broken heart, and a contrite spirit?

3. How do you think your spouse would respond to such Christ-like replies rather than reacting with pride?

4. If peace, warmth, forgiveness, unity, and an increase of love are possible outcomes to questions 2 and 3, what is stopping you from allowing Christ-like attributes to guide your responses daily?

References:

https://www.lds.org/ensign/1989/05/beware-of-pride?lang=eng&_r=1

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